When someone reads my personal essay about my sister's wedding, I want them to feel happy. My essay is about growing up with my sisters, and everything that we used to do. Then I go on to tell about her wedding, and how we are all grown up. When I was writing it, it made me sad to think about the past, and that is part of what I want my reader to understand. I want the reader go through the emotion I went through when I was writing the essay, either with my experiances or with their own.
When I write about how my life was with my sisters growing up, I want my reader to get the feeling that I was very close with my two sisters, and the crazy funny things that I went through having an older sister.
When I write about the wedding in between the sections about when I was younger, I want the reader to get a feeling that this is a posative essay, not about losing the past, but about looking to the future. Although when I wrote my essay I was sad about looking to the past, and missing how things used to be, I overall want my essay to have a posative outcome. I think that my last paragraph about how the wedding was the best party I have ever been to, and how I want my sister to be proud of me shows that I am actually looking to the future. I overall want to leave my reader with a posative feeling about my experiance.
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2 comments:
I would have to agree with what your thesis is regarding your essay. I do not have a sister. Instead, I have a brother, but the bond they two siblings have is unique and when one, most likely the older, leaves whether it be moving out or a wedding, the pain can be unbearable. That is why I idenitifed with yours. What you wanted me to feel I definitely understood.
You do get those feelings across. And I think with some more detailed scenes and some dialog - some of the trappings of narrative/novelistic forms - this will be really solid. You included some really evocative details (the sneakers, telling the priest) about your sister -- what details do you have that will get the reader to feel what you felt even more keenly (of course Mike got it already but I am the relentlessly demanding teacher so I have to write something like this in order to keep my persona in tact lol).
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